The annual request for Christmas gift lists has created tension in one family, as a member expresses discontent over the tradition. The individual, seeking advice from the renowned etiquette expert Miss Manners, feels that the essence of gift-giving has been lost amid the pressure to provide specific items for the holiday season.
Each year, as Halloween approaches, the family begins its ritual of demanding a list of desired gifts. The individual finds this practice disheartening, believing that the true value of a gift lies in the thoughtfulness of the giver. They argue that meaningful gifts should stem from careful consideration of the recipient’s preferences, rather than being solely dictated by the recipient’s own desires.
Despite attempts to communicate this sentiment, the family remains resolute in their expectations. The individual’s sister has taken to calling daily, insisting on a list, and even threatening to enlist the help of other family members to escalate the demands. This pressure has led the individual to contemplate opting out of the gift exchange altogether, preferring the absence of a gift rather than one chosen from a list.
“I would prefer receiving no gift at all to receiving one I selected myself,” they stated in their plea for guidance. The frustration is compounded by the fact that the individual makes an effort each year to select gifts for family members that reflect their unique tastes, often choosing items that are not listed.
In response, Miss Manners suggests that it may be time for the family to reconsider their approach to gift-giving. Rather than adhering to a list-based system, she proposes that family members should engage in their own shopping, allowing for a more genuine exchange of gifts.
The expert expresses concern over the decline of traditional gift-giving customs, attributing this shift to the prevalence of wish lists, which, in her view, undermine the spirit of the season. Should the family refuse to abandon their list-making habit, she advises the individual to assertively communicate their decision to withdraw from the ritual.
In a different inquiry, another reader, a professional writer and editor, grapples with the dilemma of addressing errors found in a book authored by an acquaintance. The reader discovered several typos and a significant factual error but is uncertain whether to share this feedback, fearing it may offend the author.
Miss Manners emphasizes the importance of considering whether the mistakes can be corrected, noting that if the book has already gone to print, the opportunity for revisions may be limited. She suggests inquiring about the possibility of a second edition to address any inaccuracies.
As the holiday season approaches, the individual grappling with their family’s insistence on gift lists faces a complex emotional landscape, balancing their desire for meaningful exchanges against familial expectations. Meanwhile, the writer must navigate the delicate terrain of providing constructive criticism while preserving their relationship with the author.
For those seeking further guidance on etiquette and social dilemmas, Miss Manners invites readers to submit their questions through her official website, email, or postal mail.
