A father’s commitment to care for his child was put to the test when Steve Burcham faced the difficult decision of placing his son, Chris, in a group home. Chris, who is on the autism spectrum and nonverbal, had become increasingly challenging to care for as Burcham managed both his job and his son’s needs. This emotional journey reflects the deep complexities of parenting, especially when navigating the realities of special needs.
Chris entered the world through a breech birth, marking the beginning of an unconventional journey for father and son. As Burcham recalls, holding his newborn son for the first time was a moment filled with love and promise. He vowed to be a different kind of father than the one who had left him as a child. “I swore I’d be different. I wouldn’t leave my child the way I’d been left,” he said, a commitment that shaped his parenting philosophy.
The challenges of raising Chris intensified when a terrifying incident occurred. One morning, Burcham discovered that Chris had left their home. He immediately contacted law enforcement, describing his son’s appearance and condition. “Minutes later, they called back. He’d been found around midnight,” Burcham recounted. Chris had wandered nearly a mile barefoot, eventually arriving at a nearby grocery store where a concerned stranger ensured his safety until police arrived. This incident highlighted the urgent need for constant supervision and support.
As Burcham navigated single parenthood, he maintained a structured daily routine for Chris. However, the pressures of caregiving led to conversations about a group home, which professionals suggested could provide the necessary support and supervision that Burcham felt he could not offer alone. His son required assistance with essential daily activities such as bathing and dressing, raising concerns about entrusting Chris’s care to strangers.
Reflecting on his own childhood experiences, Burcham revealed the emotional turmoil of being abruptly separated from his family at six years old. “Those words became a constant threat — a reminder that my place in the world was conditional,” he explained. This past trauma influenced his determination to provide stability for Chris, making the decision to transition him to a group home all the more agonizing.
On the day of the transition, parked outside the group home, Burcham felt like that frightened boy again. As Chris entered the new environment, he appeared at ease, exploring his room and adjusting to his surroundings. “He walked in like he’d lived there for years,” Burcham noted, observing his son’s comfort as he settled into his new space.
When it was time to say goodbye, Burcham struggled to embrace the moment. “I couldn’t bring myself to kiss him. My parents never said goodbye. They just left,” he shared, grappling with the emotions of abandonment. Yet, he realized this was not merely about leaving Chris; it was about redefining his promise to be a supportive father.
For the next 30 days, Burcham endured a period of separation, receiving updates about his son’s adjustment through texts and photos. “These small glimpses of his new life reassured me that he was doing fine,” he mentioned. Over time, he began to understand that this transition was beneficial for both father and son.
“I was wrong to think I was the only one who could care for Chris,” Burcham admitted. He found solace in the words of Romans 12:12, which became a daily reminder of hope and resilience: “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”
In the months that followed, Burcham visited Chris weekly, often taking him out for dinner or long drives, reminiscent of their previous routines. “I’m so proud of Chris. I’ll never truly leave him,” he stated, emphasizing the enduring bond between them. This experience has taught him that sometimes, “never leaving” means allowing a child the space to grow and thrive independently.
As Burcham continues to navigate this new chapter, he remains committed to supporting Chris while embracing the changes that come with it. His story exemplifies the complexities of parenthood, highlighting the strength required to make difficult decisions in the best interest of a child.
