A woman in her late 40s, referred to as Always Almost Included, has expressed her feelings of isolation despite having a seemingly full life. Balancing family obligations and a job, she finds herself feeling like an outsider in social situations. This sentiment resonates with many who struggle to forge genuine connections in an increasingly digital world.
Loneliness Amidst a Full Calendar
In her letter, Always Almost Included details her experiences of superficial interactions. She engages in friendly conversations during school pickups and at work, yet these exchanges rarely translate into meaningful friendships. Although she often suggests social gatherings, the initiative frequently falls on her shoulders, leading to frustration when plans fail to materialize.
Her feelings have been compounded by social media, where she observes friends participating in group outings and celebrations from which she feels excluded. Despite her efforts to remain positive, the emotional toll of being on the periphery of social circles is palpable. She questions her self-worth and wonders why she feels like the “backup friend” rather than a valued companion.
Advice for Building Genuine Connections
In response to her concerns, columnist Annie Lane offers practical advice to help Always Almost Included find deeper connections. Lane emphasizes the importance of self-advocacy, advising her to stop viewing herself as an understudy in her social life. Instead, she should focus on those who actively engage with her, rather than those who only comment on social media.
“Keep inviting when you genuinely want to, but stop chasing,” Lane advises. “Put your energy into the people who show up, not just the ones who post.”
Lane also suggests that Always Almost Included explore new avenues for connection, such as joining a class, book club, or volunteer group. These structured environments often facilitate friendship-building by providing common interests and shared experiences.
The journey to finding connection can be challenging, but by prioritizing her own worth and seeking out people who appreciate her presence, Always Almost Included can transition from feeling like an outsider to becoming a valued participant in her social life. Ultimately, the right friends will recognize her significance without constant reminders.
